I really need a hug... a truly tender, caring hug, to feel the warmth of another body and the gentle caress of loving eyes.
... and to mend my heart and my soul, they've been damaged for so long, I wonder if they're even repairable. I don't really know!
Funny how I've never felt so good and at peace with myself as I am right now... even if Peace of Mind seems to be always out of reach, always unattainable.
...so I've finally been learning how to live like this, but it's been a hard and lonely journey, terribly lonely.
So there are days and nights when I feel tired and overwhelmed... and there's no one around I can can ask for a little foster.
... I need a safe harbour where can take a little rest and treat my wounds and aches and not worry with life and the World for a while.
My armour is feeling heavier by the day, I'm tired, my strength falters me... and my huge, thick castle walls seem to widen in the same manner.
... I'm not really wounded any more but the scars are bone deep and I'm ever terrified with the prospect of more pain, so I don't risk coming out too far beyond the gates.
I've been lied, tricked, played with again and again... I was such an easy prey, such a needy, lonely trustful idiot.
... and now I'm a lonely, suspicious, angry and aggravated, hurt, resentful idiot, with an enormous lack of self confidence, always mistrustful, always scared to go forward, to take the risk.
I feel empty, incomplete, hollow, amiss, a wasteland of lost love... and yet, deep down there's still this little kindle of desperate hope.
... it either consumes me or keeps me living on, maybe both at the same time, in the same manner as Oxygen when we breathe.
Spring is coming...